12 Steps to Get Into Office (Without Winning an Election)

1. Have no plan, other than to get into office.
2. Contradict yourself often.
3. Blame the other parties for all the problems in the country.
   
4. Treat your party like it's your farm.
   
5. Treat members of your party like they are your farm workers.
6. Repeatedly ask members of your party to use violent tactics to get you into office.
   
7. Get the biggest bullies in the playground to take you under their wing.
8. Ask other countries to impose sanctions on your country.
9. Ask other countries to invade your country.
10. If it looks like you are going to win an election, pull out. Refuse to participate in the elections.
11. Say you are not going to negotiate, then negotiate.
12. Say you are not going to take part in a 'government of national unity', then make efforts to be included in such a government.